CIFAS has been on a healthy eating crusade for several months now, and even if CIFAS has to say so, CIFAS has gotten pretty lean.  CIFAS followers can readily see this by looking at his picture at the top of the CIFAS home page.Yes, that is CIFAS sitting with his head resting on his hand.  Thank you very much.

Anyway, CIFAS has been following the advice of the Berkeley Heart Lab nutritionist, who calls CIFAS every month to check up on his progress.  She reminds CIFAS frequently to get his exercise, eat fruits, green leafy vegetables, low fat milk, whole grains, “good fats,” and fish.  CIFAS has been a pretty good boy since starting the program, if you can call CIFAS a boy.

The nutritionist reminds CIFAS every month about the green leafy veggies.  CIFAS has discerned that one cannot eat too many green leafy vegetables.  Upon more detailed probing, CIFAS has learned that green leafy vegetables can be quickly identified by their color – green – and the fact that they have leaves.  CIFAS is so happy to learn this, because at least when it comes to green leafy vegetables, CIFAS does not have to read the stinking label on the package, like CIFAS has to do when buying “whole grain” products.

CIFAS has discovered that producers of whole grain products are employing either an ingenious packaging ploy, or they are complete frauds.  CIFAS thinks the latter.

Take, for instance, CIFAS’ recent discovery about the “whole grain” crackers CIFAS has been devouring in ignorant bliss.  Upon hearing his daughter state that she was having a hard time finding whole grain crackers – they all seemed to be made primarily with enriched flour (a no-no) – CIFAS decided to look at his box of “whole grain” crackers and tell his daughter about them.  Brand names are not being divulged to protect the innocent (CIFAS).

Imagine CIFAS’ shock when CIFAS looked at the box and saw that the words “Whole Wheat”  were preceeded by the words “made with,”  as in “made with Whole Wheat.”  Not only were the letters in “made with” about half the size of the “Whole Wheat” letters, but they were also printed in white on a yellow background, making the “made with” virtually invisible to the average shopper.  (This is not to imply that CIFAS’ wife is your average shopper – not at all.)

Being the curious type, CIFAS decided to read the list of ingredients on the box, and to CIFAS amazement the first ingredient on the list was “enriched flour.”  CIFAS has learned somewhere that the first ingredient on the list is the main ingredient.  Further, CIFAS found that “whole grain flour” is the fifth item on the list.  Yet the manufacturer feels compelled to put the words “Whole Wheat” in large letters on the box. 

CIFAS has a few thoughts about this practice.

1.    Why does the manufacturer not say on the box “Made Predominantly With Unhealthy Enriched Flour?”  They are probably thinking that would not be a great selling point, but given the demand for cheeseburgers and fries, they may need to think again.

2.    Would it not be more appropriate for the box to state “Made With Almost No Whole Wheat?”  Perhaps the unnamed manufacturer has read CIFAS analysis of “the understood word,” which for new readers is discussed in detail in “How Can The Average Golfer Break 80?”  In this case “almost no” would be the understood words.

3.    Why does the manufacturer drop to the fifth ingredient to advertise what the crackers are “made with?”  Heck, they could move up to the third ingredient and advertise “Made With Thiamin Mononitrate.”  That should sell well.

CIFAS wonders if any of the manufacturers have considered labeling their crackers with the words “Made within 100 miles of …..
GREEN LEAFY VEGETABLES.”